I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
