I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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