i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
