So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
