Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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