So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
