i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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