I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
