I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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