I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
