he puts the penis in happiness.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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