it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
