Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
