but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
