he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize