I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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