Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize