bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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