Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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