I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
