guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
