Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
