Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
