I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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