Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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