Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
