you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
