insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
