if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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