It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
