If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize