Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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