what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize