Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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