Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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