I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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