dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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