i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
