yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
