i don't like sucking hair
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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