so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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