it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
