Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
