Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize