So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
