i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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