apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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