I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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