Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
