He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
