He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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