Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
