My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
