It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't deserve a penis
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
