In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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