she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
