i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
