i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
