WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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