Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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