ugly people sure do ruin things
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
