you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
