When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately