I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick