My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
