I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
