How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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