Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
