Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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