Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
