So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
